Art of Flirting at friend’s party – I’d want to ask you a question. Have there ever been instances where you wondered aloud to yourself, “Is this individual flirting with me?” Imagine yourself attending a friend’s party. We all know that the kitchen is where the fun is, so you sashay in. And you notice a lovely stranger refilling her glass from a box of wine.
Your pal attends school.
You then request a refill on your beverage and make a funny comment to the alluring stranger.
Beautiful stranger chuckles.
Bravo for you.
Following that, there is more discussion and some eye contact over the following several minutes.
However, after a while, you begin to wonder, “Is this individual flirting with me?”
Anyone recognize this?
The person seated next to you has experienced it.
The person in front of you has already experienced it.
You see, this problem is pervasive.
As a result, you won’t ever again doubt if someone is flirting with you after listening to what I have to say in the following 10 minutes.
Jean Smith here.
I’m a flirtologist—a social anthropologist who specializes in flirting.
Now, I do research, create books, and give seminars as a flirtologist.
And I deal with both private and business customers with the aim of assisting them in improving their flirting.
Consequently, I can see that some of you are sitting there and asking, “Really!? Is this required? I’m talking about showing individuals how to flirt.
(Laughter) It certainly is.
I’ve been working on this for more than ten years.
If the query “Is this person flirting with me?” was popular back then, it’s now “everyone wants to take it to prom” popular since flirting has altered significantly over the past ten years.
More and more people are relying on digital communication methods.
However, an emoji with its tongue protruding will only go you so far, let’s face it.
You’ll eventually need to meet up in person.
Unless, of course, you’re a Japanese man, in which case you may wed your Rinko from the video game.
I conducted research as part of my mission to teach others how to flirt effectively.
I traveled to the cities of London, New York, Paris, and Stockholm to study how the locals interacted romantically.
I discovered that they all had six characteristics.
There were six ways people may indicate they were flirting and how to recognize it when it happened.
This is what I teach as H.O.T.-A.P.E. (Laughter)
It stands for the six symptoms of flirting and is pronounced “the six signals.”
If I were to tell you, “You must be a parking ticket since you have “fine” written all over you,” that would be fine.
Would you guffaw?
H is, of course, for humor.
If you found my joke amusing, raise your hand.
Don’t be shy, just go forward.
Okay, raise your hands if you would want to be my date.
If only my hubby weren’t such a control freak, though.
In any case, it’s not a good match if you didn’t raise your hands.
Simply said, it won’t work between us.
But it’s not you; it’s me.
However, this is advantageous since HOTAPE-ing individuals requires time.
Does anyone in this room enjoy good literature or engaging TED talks?
Anyone in this room a fan of test cricket?
These processes take time, particularly test cricket, which lasts five days.
And because they try to appeal to everyone, individuals frequently make mistakes here.
However, you only want to draw in those who are a good fit for you.
And because of this, humor—specifically a sense of humor that is shared—is crucial in assisting you in telling your prospective HOT-APEs from squirrel monkeys.
Yes, they are adorable.
They undoubtedly have a wonderful personality.
However, it is ultimately a squirrel monkey.
It isn’t a HOT-APE.
O is hence for open body language.
Remember these three things.
First, refrain from doing this.
I am aware that some of you have done this.
Oh, but I’m chilly, or this is comfy, are all things I’ve heard before.
Aside from my whining voice, which situation makes you want to HOT-APE me more?
as in this?
or this, correct?
NOT APE HOT.
Make sure your shoulders are towards the individual, which is number two.
In other words, not HOT-APE, not HOT-APE, not HOT-APE.
The third item is the most crucial, and I’m just telling you guys about it.
This one is excellent.
Look at where someone’s feet are pointing to discover whether they’re interested.
So it’s a positive indicator if their feet are pointed in your direction.
They are probably preparing their escape if they are kind of off to the side.
Our ability to regulate our limbs decreases with distance from the brain.
Shakira, while I understand that you claim that “the hips don’t lie,” the flirtologist is here to argue that “the feet don’t lie.”
“T” stands for touch.
Similar to humor, touch causes a favorable physiological reaction in our bodies.
Now, generally speaking, the shoulder is a secure area to touch.
But the contact becomes closer as you move down the arm toward the hands.
People seem to adore it, so I advise everyone to sometimes tap someone on the hand and say something like, “Oh, you’re so hilarious.”
Oh, and if you happen to be passing by, you might also offer a gentle touch to this area right here at the top of the back, between the shoulder blades.
Currently, people tend to be the most cautious about utilizing touch out of all the flirtatious cues.
The other indicators, as one of my clients put it, “you can get away with.
You are responsible for touch, though.
However, touching someone might help you break out of the friend zone and signal an interest in them.
And as long as you keep in mind that I enjoy test cricket, it lasts five days, and I don’t have time to HOT-APE with everyone, you may try another person if the first one doesn’t seem interested.
A stands for attentiveness.
This might seem like a no-brainer.
Someone likes you more the more attention they are giving you.
But the challenge is that it’s very difficult to remain impartial once the contact has begun.
Because of this, participant observation is an approach used in anthropology.
And I think you could use this as an extremely effective flirting strategy.
It indicates that you are taking part and engaging in the conversation, but not to the extent that you are unable to observe.
As a result, if you touch or speak to someone and then notice that they blush, it shows that you are not so self-conscious to be blind to your impact on the other person.
And my pals, that’s when flirting is at its most enjoyable.
As in proximity, “P”
Now there were two uses for proximity.
The first is that it is not a coincidence if you see someone across the room and then all of a sudden they are standing next to you.
It indicates they must continue their exploration since they enjoy what they observe.
The third method proximity was exploited was when they stood closer to you than normal while you were really in the encounter.
So if you find yourself drawn, wonderful.
They are in your space if you are not.
Therefore, the final flirtatious indication is the most crucial.
Anybody able to guess what it is?
It’s a direct gaze.
This was the most popular approach for individuals to comprehend whether someone was flirting with them and distinguish between friendly and flirtatious behavior.
Thus, the gaze occurred more frequently during flirtatious eye contact.
It was more intense and held for a longer period of time.
So you can spot flirting using these indicators: humor, open body language, touch, attentiveness, closeness, and eye contact.
Additionally, more indicators are often better.
Now, one of my clients told me his favorite tale of HOT-use APE’s in the field.
All of her buddies have access to HOT-APE thanks to her.
They went out to HOTAPE dudes one night.
She approached the man at the bar after noticing one of her companions establishing eye contact with him.
She returned a little while later, looking rather defeated, and my client said, “What happened? What occurred? She then says, “Oh, nothing.”
Did you HOT-APE him, then? She responds, “Yeah, yeah.”
Then they began reading the sides, asking, “Did you employ humor?” She responds, “Yeah, yeah.”
What about non-verbal cues? You didn’t behave in this manner as you normally would? “No, no.” “What about touch?” Have you touched him? “Uh, God, I didn’t use touch,” you say, “back, hand.”
They then began to chuckle and said, “Well, no wonder.”
And what ordinarily may have been a downer or, you know, a negative emotion, just became a silly game.
This is the strength of HOTAPE since it elevates flirting to its proper status.
It’s a simple, enjoyable task that isn’t difficult.
And when we consider flirtation in this way, our conception of rejection is completely altered.
And in circumstances when we frequently experience self-consciousness or a little amount of anxiety, we have scientific methods to aid in recalling what to do.
Finally, it makes it clear that it’s not about us; rather, it’s a task with a checklist.
It’s more about stuff to do than flirting, which is frequently perceived as a stranger’s assessment of our value.
Now that you are aware of the indications of flirting, I urge you to not only notice them but also take action since you can also utilize them to show that you are interested in someone.
And here is my challenge to you: Forget the game, forget the rules, and just be yourself.
Go HOTAPE someone and do action.