Married guys flirt online – I’m a married man with six children. I don’t spend a lot of time on Facebook or Instagram, but I do visit Quora frequently. Let’s start by defining “flirt” in my opinion:
1 – Sharing information via texting with ladies in an inappropriately personal manner. You need to safeguard your marriage and avoid interfering with others’.
2 – Making comments on images or posts where a person’s looks is the subject. This might be a simple “you’re hot,” or something worse. Even compliments like, “You look terrific,” in my opinion, would be considered flirting and should be avoided by married guys.
3. Trying to forge connections with other women that go beyond simple friendships. Even now, I’m not sure how a man would even think to do this.
Flirting is not –
I first follow a talented young author named Olivia Newan in this category of playful banter. About 18 to 20 months ago, we initially started leaving comments on each other’s threads. She is a pleasant follow even though I don’t agree with her views. She was seeking for employment when I noticed it on one of them, and because my company was recruiting a part-time proofreader at the time, we ended up employing her.
2 – Lighthearted chats – I primarily mention this since I work in a CPA office where there are many ladies. We chat to each other every day, primarily about business but also about our partners, children, vacations, etc. Although we get along well, there has never been any flirtation in our talks. Although we frequently use the word “lol” in our chats, we never transgress any lines.
Why then do married guys flirt online? I don’t think I’ve ever flirted with a woman who wasn’t my wife in my 18 years of marriage. I’ve never been much of a ladies’ guy, and now days I wouldn’t even know how to go about it. When it comes to women, I follow a set of rules that keeps all connections at a distance and it appears to work.
I still see ladies that I find beautiful in real life, whether it be at the gym, the shop, church, or at work. It’s difficult to explain since I wish I could off that switch for everyone else than my wife. In real life, there is absolutely little chance that I would ever compliment another woman on her attractiveness or make an effort to get to know a lady I found attractive. There wouldn’t be a reason for it (again, at work I have cordial relationships with dozens of women but all are professional in nature).
However, things operate a little differently online. It almost makes sense when you consider why people TROLL other people online but they would never say things like that to individuals in social or public settings. On the internet, it almost seems unreal. Since you’ll probably never meet the individuals you troll, it feels harmless somehow (and being a relatively conservative person who writes on quora, I get trolled all the time).
The same applies to “flirting”; men are visual creatures and, when they see a beautiful woman, they experience the same urge they would in person, but without the natural restraints. For example, imagine going to the gym and telling a woman or girl, “You’re totally hot”; you would probably get punched, yelled at, kicked, or just avoided.
Is it appropriate? Obviously not. I try to consider two things before engaging in any interaction: first, would I feel comfortable with my spouse witnessing it, and second, how would I feel if she were engaging in it? (Keep in mind that there would be a difference between her commenting on a photo of Chris Hemsworth and a photo of a neighbor down the street; her saying “you’re totally hot” to Chris Hemsworth wouldn’t bother me while saying it to someone we knew would.)
So that’s why I believe guys engage in this behavior – many of us have these innate tendencies or attractions, and social media removes the innate reluctance we would otherwise have while engaging in the same engagement in person. But that doesn’t mean it’s OK. I would want my wife to generally go by the same rules I have established, and I would be hypocritical to act differently.
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